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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again.

Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.