The Advice shared by A Parent Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You require support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who often hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."